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Writer's pictureJéricho

First treatment



Here is the first film treatment for "The violinist of the subway" (working title), but it lacks the end! If you could help me find it, that would be nice.
film treatment: a short piece of prose that acts as the first draft of a screenplay

The violinist of the subway - Film treatment

A young woman wearing a waterproof hoodie, a purple scarf, and a violin case, is rocked by the movements of bus 189 that takes her to the Honoré-Beaugrand station, from Pointe-aux-Trembles. Around her, morning commuters are in their bubbles, many with their eyes glued to their smartphone screens, ears clogged with small chattering earphones.


She observes them, who are they? Where are they going?


A man of color meets her gaze. A warmth rips from her heart to her ears. She looks away and stares at the gray city that parades outside. Her hand caresses the case of the instrument, she touches the worn leather, rotates the strap between her fingers. She calms down. She looks up. No one is looking at her. It's ok.


In front of the exit of the Place des Arts metro station, on Bleury, the young woman installs a stand that acts as a metal lectern, to which she attaches a plasticized score. At regular intervals, the doors of the station open and let out a crowd of commuters. The young woman takes out her violin, leaves the case open in front of her, and starts playing.


It is a slow, majestic tune, which she plays her eyes closed, letting the music fill her. People pass by without noticing her, too captivated by their routine or their screens, which they often consult even while walking.


The frail melody sings to the dance of the girl's nimble fingers. The varnished wood of the violin comes alive with reflections, the hair of the bow vibrates and frays a little more.


The young woman finishes the piece and slowly opens her eyes. The crowd passes without seeing her, as always. She unfolds a second stand, this one mounted with a selfie-stick and a microphone. She installs her phone. She hangs a big QR code on the knob of the stand.


She gets back in front of the phone, and smiles.


Seen from the phone: "Hello. My name is Victoria. But my mother calls me Vicky." No one notices her except a young red-haired man who looks up from his phone for a moment and then moves along.


Seen from the phone: "I'm at Place des Arts in Montreal, and I'm going to play you my most recent piece. If you think it is any good, don't forget to share and like. Thank you." The young woman grabs her violin and begins to play a fiery tune, a visceral tune, a tune that makes the soul vibrate.


The piece has several movements, sometimes rhythmic, sometimes melodic, sometimes frenetic. In the phone, likes and hearts begin to sparkle. The glowing and enthusiastic comments are multiplying. A young Indian woman dances to the tune, then a German woman adds vocalizations, then a Texan a rhythm of boots, all join the music and jam on it.


In the darkness of a server center, the computers lined up by the hundreds flash their LEDs.


In front of the station, some commuters have stopped. Either to scan the QR code, or to film the performance or to take a selfie in front of the young woman. The QR code leads to the live streaming on Tik Tok of the performance. People are amazed. The young violinist has more than 10k subscribers.


She is lost to the music, everything happens between her and her phone. She no longer perceives what is around her. Her fingers fly on the strings, the bow dances like a demented muppet. The finale of the piece is an extremely perilous technical passage. The young woman forces through the last measures in a supreme effort and finally relaxes. The crowd applauds in scattered order.


She realizes the attention she has gained and closes in on herself like an oyster. Some film her, others compliment her or want to take a selfie with her. She avoids eye contact and quickly turns off her phone and folds the stand. She sits on the ground, in front of her empty violin case. The people finally disperse.


Finally alone, the young woman watches her performance in her phone and sees the likes and hearts sparkle. She smiles. She reads the commentaries and follows a few links that lead her to a few dancers and then to another violinist. A ten-year-old Japanese boy. Standing in a luxurious apartment, with Tokyo in the background, he performs with supernatural virtuosity. He has 2M subscribers. The young woman's smile fades.


"Wait, I'm having a hard time." An old lady with hooked fingers tries to extract a few coins from a small wallet. "Well, I'll let them fall, I can't lean so low..." 50¢ fall into the violin case. The young woman picks them up carefully. "I would give you more, but with my pension... I don't have much left at the end of the month!" The lady's gaze is mischievous. "You play really well for your age..."


And this is where you come in!

I just had the idea of this old lady coming to the end. And I'm still wondering what will happen between these two characters. Was the old lady a singer in her time? Could they team up? The girl is asocial, she has trouble being comfortable in person, why? And could this lady help her?


Also, the young woman sees in Tik Tok the most obvious way to thrive with her art. But the lady only sees or hears the music. The talent...


In short, I am still looking for the finale of this film, and the deep motivations of the young violinist. If you would give me your impressions and comments, that would be great!


For those who are not familiar with the Zeitgeist project, for which I am writing this film, check out the pitch and explore the site! And if you have any questions, click on the chat bubble on the right, and you can ask them directly to us.

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